When it’s not the relationship dynamic you had hoped for
By Tania Field, Principal Tender Specialist (Sydney)
Have you ever stepped into a bid team and got the feeling that a relationship dynamic is not in your favour? It can be disappointing to say the least, especially when everyone else looks like they are having a nice time. Depending on how bad the dynamic is, once you recognise it for what it is, you need to accept it and have a plan in place to minimise the impact. To the bid, the team and the culture.
Your feelings are valid—it’s how you react that is important
First things first, whatever you are feeling, those feelings are valid. Don’t go burying these feelings because you might be judged as ‘overthinking things’ or because you’ve been told that you are too sensitive. That’s rubbish. It’s okay. This is how you feel. It’s how you react to the situation that matters.
Maintaining professionalism and integrity in tricky situations is something we must all learn to do. And what we must continue to practice. This demonstrates that you can be relied upon to always do your best to show up and deliver on commitments regardless of the situation.
In this blog, I outline several strategies to help you handle yourself in tricky situations.
Tips to help manage less than ideal relationships
Free yourself from the clutches of this dynamic. Sometimes all you need to do is re-centre and focus on the task at hand, and let the idea of an ideal relationship go.
Keep an open mind and allow things to evolve. Try to leave room for the relationship to change. It can be hard to do this if you are only ever looking for examples to validate your feelings.
Don’t look for opportunities to test your theory. Ever heard the saying, ‘If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all’? If this is not a major disruptor to you or the work you are trying to achieve, then keep your views to yourself. It is better for team culture.
Seek counsel from those you trust. If the dynamic is challenging you, then ask for help to manage the behaviour and to refocus the relationship to be more constructive and productive. Talk in facts only.
Put yourself in their shoes. Think about what might be driving these behaviours and how you can help. This perspective might lead to a marked change in the dynamic.
Take the high road. Try not to react in the heat of the moment. This means that you choose not to respond to a comment that is unfair. Or you might allow a little more space for someone to talk during a meeting before you raise a point yourself. This is called playing the long game, being patient and keeping a cool head.
Stick to the scope and commitments made. Keep performing within the expectations of your role. Be consistent, fair and keep things professional. If the relationship impacts the job, then ask for an alternative contact.
Shift the energy with different strategies. Dissipate tension or change the dynamic with new people, processes, or initiatives. For example, invite more members to your one-on-one meetings. Focus on those individuals who have a good relationship dynamic.
One thing to note is to be careful about how you introduce any of the strategies above. Always remember that it is best to foster a fair environment.
Finally, it's good to remember that people are observant and can probably see what is going on. Therefore, focus on what is in your control, stick to your values and continue to be the awesome professional you are. People will take notice and most likely reflect on your wonderful professionalism.